Then:
"For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear"-Eli Young Band (Guinevere)
So this school year, my first year of college is coming to end. I survived solely by the abundant grace and mercy of Christ. I have been thinking quite a lot about this year...all the way back to August; and wow! All of the things that Christ has done in my life. I cannot image how it would've been if, He hadn't told me last summer that it was time for us start moving and stop being stagnate on this walk...and I don't think I would've imagined anything near where I am now. I am so glad that our thoughts are not His, our plans are not His, but He is much greater than us in all aspects. We would be...well that would suck if that weren't true and well then we wouldn't need a God, right?
(Ok. Ok. Focusing.) This may sound cliche but it was this year that I started to seek Him and who He wanted me to be, and also put some things into motion that I had already began realize I needed to do (but didn't want to). I think about the wonderful people and...not so people I have encountered this year. Every single one of them has or had a purpose in my life and I would like to think (hope) I have or had one in their. The effects of coming in contact with these people helped me grow in perspectives of different people, and how people should be treated and also helped my somewhat distorted view of love and tolerance.
I say the wonderful and the not so wonderful because giving up your life everyday does not mean sunshine and rainbows, but rather I believe something more, something real, something hard. As you know I got a tattoo on my foot with the verse "Mark 8:34-35" but with that permanently on my body, with my bible within reach, and with that hidden on my heart it is still so so sooo hard to live by. The thought of dying to ourselves and making war with our sins every. single. day. that does not scream sunshine and rainbows to me. Well anyway back to "wonder and not so..." well, for the fact that every one of those people have in turn helped me get closer to and maturing me to me more Christlike. And the wonderful...I don't really think I need to explain why. Yeah.
How God had planned every single detail to this year before I even knew right down to the words that I would say and the words I would hear others say is beyond unfathomable! It sometimes gets hard to actually see what's going on with our lives so we have people who love us and keep us accountable or encourage us and let us know and its then we are reminded that we should pause and stop looking from the inside out and like like them on the outside looking inside at us. I had to take a step outside to look from their prospective and well...stop being selfish and get rid of the chaos to see ALL the beauty that God has done within my heart.
The song 'Guinevere' from the Eli Young Band kinda like 98% describe who I was then...(check it out). And the Philippians verse is kinda 100% of who I am and who I want to keep being now.
Now:
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus-Philippians 3:12-14
"Goals"(no particular order):
Turn up the outgoing level for ministering
Serving others a lot more (physically and verbally)
Be more involved in church family
Keep making war with my sins
Fall deeper in love with God
Dissolving bitterness/selfishness because of my gift of singleness
...Go to the library more
:) :) Love it.
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