Sunday, December 12, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Tah Dah!
Well, this is my third count it third blog of the day (I'll try not to post my next one 6 months from now)! I admit that I have been a terrible blogger since I started this but I'll give another "college try" starting with my new blog look! Looking good. Huh? Huh? We'll see how this goes, yo! Leave comments. Share your friends with me.
I'll leave you with a quote:
"You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here." -Buddy the Elf
I'll leave you with a quote:
"You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here." -Buddy the Elf
Sunshine and Wintertime
This past weekend spent with some of the best friends a girl can have. Wassail Fest. DENTON. DENTON! Casperite Wedding. Casanova Wedding. Our tummies were full. Our hearts were warm. Our bodies were cold (Kailin).
MMMMM sooo good(and free)!
It's who we are
Texoma
Gorgeous Kailin
Tahoe girls in Texas!
Wedding bells ringing for the Casnovas
Sweet Resonation
So often do I hear the passages from Proverbs, 1 Peter, and Ephesians about marriage but with my Christian wedding attendance few and far between my chance to 'experience' them there is not often. This weekend I got a blessing to witness a wedding solely, utterly, just God's work, plans, glory. I got to hear some of these passages I metioned above about marriage. Maybe, for the first time I did not just hear them but saw them being lived out and in context and it definitely spoke so much louder for some reason. Crying during their first Lord's supper,Who does that? I'll tell you, one that sees the Gospel all over this then relationship now wedding. My heart just could not handle that abundance of love that was coming from this ceremony. Not growing up in a Christian home and my few attendance in Christian weddings I can say I have never gotten to witness to a relationship/marriage this closely in my life. Which is probably why the "marriage passages" resonated with me so strongly at this wedding. To see so much pure, love, and passion for the Lord and each other was ridiculous to me (in a good way). For a while now I've had this struggle with relationships and desire to have tangible attention from a man, the desire to be loved and wanted. I thank God for these desires, but most of the time it's really hard. To thinking about how my husband wonderfully perfect will be for me, setting my wedding date in the general season of spring, picking out colors, writing down my brides mates, sighing at the sound of another friend getting engaged and the list goes on. I've had this desire to just find my husband and just get married really because everyone and their mom is getting engaged now, because in all honesty I'm not ready. I really ready to get married according to God, and His word? When I had a boyfriend thing were we ready to get married? Seeing this example of the love for the Lord coming from the individuals and couple magnified during this day, how their love has never faded and always growing. Witnessing what a true Godly relationship/marriage looks like. No, I absolutely wasn't. Writing this blog and seeing the sin that damages my heart like pride, coveting, co-dependency...As an individual I'm honestly not even ready to date to let alone get married. But, because of that desire God has given me how does it be satisfied? In God and God alone. If He is not the first one I run to for attention, if His love does not satisfy me to where I long for this of this world over Him...why should I expect this from my soon to be husband if I'm not doing it? God, just reveals more of His standards to my heart as time goes by of what He expects from the both of us as individuals and as a couple; and let me tell you it blows my mind. I look at the wedding and say "I want that" I want what God wants by His standard not mine, for His glory not mine, nothing else. Admitting this fact of really not being ready to be married hurts but would I really be miserable for the rest of life with some jerk, I settle for or be have a marriage solely, utterly just God's work, plans and glory? 
Friday, November 12, 2010
With Everything
Thursday, October 21, 2010
What does it look like?
"For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption..." 1 Corinthians 1:3-8
For me to give up my life for Christ's sake and the sake of the Gospel?
Today it looked like:
Letting go of everything I knew, completely.
Idolatry. Distrust in God. Pride. Co-Dependency on man.
Hurting, really bad, for the moment.
Still imagining the perfect plans God may have for my life.
Finding that my hope is where it needs to be.
Giving up control, despite my feelings.
Knowing that God is greater than this and my pain.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3-8
Today it looked like:
Letting go of everything I knew, completely.
Idolatry. Distrust in God. Pride. Co-Dependency on man.
Hurting, really bad, for the moment.
Still imagining the perfect plans God may have for my life.
Finding that my hope is where it needs to be.
Giving up control, despite my feelings.
Knowing that God is greater than this and my pain.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3-8
Well you don't say?
I love The Office, I just started season 6. Starting with Season 1 about...I'd say 2 months ago.
I have the most AMAZING church family.
I love love love love love the friends I do life with.
I've missed my mom, I haven't talked/seen her since Labor day. We talked for about four and a half hours today.
God, gave me strumming skills within a weekend. Yep. All Him.
I currently feel like dropping out of school just to worship all day.
I know this is a ways down but the thought of being the greatest wife and mother God has planned for me to be excites the heck out of me every time.
I am in need of a bubble tea...at least every week.(Right now being a time)
I wish that I could take a trip all around the US to stop by and visit everyone that I miss immensely.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Here it is.
I have not written in a very long time, I'm not going to backtrack to when I last wrote. I'm just going to say what's on my heart, now.
I have recently made a decision to stop trying to be my own God in a certain aspect of my life. The past 5 years of life has been...exhausting. There have been great things that happened within that 5 years but, when I think about it, exhausting to say the least. I've been trying to control this whole situation, whether I want to admit it all the time or not. I have been giving about 75% of my heart and calling it good enough for God and gripping the other 25% for dear life. Gripping it so hard that, I have been an idolater, running to this relationship, controlling it, putting it before God and our relationship. I haven't been trusting God with every fiber of my being and surrendering my life to Him or carrying my cross. As time has passed and God has matured me in Him, this problem has become not just a problem but sin, habitual sin. I am sick, I am exhausted, I am disgusted by anything that related with this past relationship, the closer God pulls me to Him. And for that I am thankful. For five years, God has been trying to get me to this place I am now. Could this whole process been shorter? Yes. How I've done this for 5 years, I give only credit to me and my selfishness and rebellion. I've come to this point because I am now seeing that I CANNOT do this alone. I can't even scrape the surface of killing this by myself; believe me I've tried. Huh. And yet that was still me trying to control this and be my own God. Every time that I failed, God was still there trying and revealing new things to me. I am ridiculously, thankful for God's jealously for God's discipline for my life. It's taken me quite sometime to get here, and I'm sure God is like "Finally, child". I can say that I know in my heart and in my mind that I know how unfailing God's love is. When I think about how many times I've turned away and ignored Him, or said "No, I'm gonna do it my way." As much as I did that He showed me His love, amplified a trillion times more, and still calls me His daughter, and still works in my heart, still protects me like my Father. This process, I know is going to be a hard one, it is a hard one. But do I want Jesus and all His goodness He offers me or do I want this worldly relationship that exhausts that heck out me? When I think about this relationship, compared to Jesus, It means absolutely NOTHING. It looks, ridiculous and stupid really, compared to Jesus. Jesus died for me to live my life like this? Yeah, I does bring a lot of shame. Do I want to surrender and live in eternity with God or do I want to hold on to this and be miserable? I've got a lot of things going on here idolatry, pride, distrust, co-dependancy...I am sick with sin! And ALL of it is beyond me and not bigger than God that saves and loves me, the God that is sovereign over ALL things. I am thankful that I can look toward the cross and know, that there is where my sins are done away with, that there is someone that loves me more than anyone on this earth or that I can imagine, and I can receive grace and mercy all the days of my life with Him.
"I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
(Right after I publicly proclaimed my stand for Him)
When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful, You're beautiful"
I have recently made a decision to stop trying to be my own God in a certain aspect of my life. The past 5 years of life has been...exhausting. There have been great things that happened within that 5 years but, when I think about it, exhausting to say the least. I've been trying to control this whole situation, whether I want to admit it all the time or not. I have been giving about 75% of my heart and calling it good enough for God and gripping the other 25% for dear life. Gripping it so hard that, I have been an idolater, running to this relationship, controlling it, putting it before God and our relationship. I haven't been trusting God with every fiber of my being and surrendering my life to Him or carrying my cross. As time has passed and God has matured me in Him, this problem has become not just a problem but sin, habitual sin. I am sick, I am exhausted, I am disgusted by anything that related with this past relationship, the closer God pulls me to Him. And for that I am thankful. For five years, God has been trying to get me to this place I am now. Could this whole process been shorter? Yes. How I've done this for 5 years, I give only credit to me and my selfishness and rebellion. I've come to this point because I am now seeing that I CANNOT do this alone. I can't even scrape the surface of killing this by myself; believe me I've tried. Huh. And yet that was still me trying to control this and be my own God. Every time that I failed, God was still there trying and revealing new things to me. I am ridiculously, thankful for God's jealously for God's discipline for my life. It's taken me quite sometime to get here, and I'm sure God is like "Finally, child". I can say that I know in my heart and in my mind that I know how unfailing God's love is. When I think about how many times I've turned away and ignored Him, or said "No, I'm gonna do it my way." As much as I did that He showed me His love, amplified a trillion times more, and still calls me His daughter, and still works in my heart, still protects me like my Father. This process, I know is going to be a hard one, it is a hard one. But do I want Jesus and all His goodness He offers me or do I want this worldly relationship that exhausts that heck out me? When I think about this relationship, compared to Jesus, It means absolutely NOTHING. It looks, ridiculous and stupid really, compared to Jesus. Jesus died for me to live my life like this? Yeah, I does bring a lot of shame. Do I want to surrender and live in eternity with God or do I want to hold on to this and be miserable? I've got a lot of things going on here idolatry, pride, distrust, co-dependancy...I am sick with sin! And ALL of it is beyond me and not bigger than God that saves and loves me, the God that is sovereign over ALL things. I am thankful that I can look toward the cross and know, that there is where my sins are done away with, that there is someone that loves me more than anyone on this earth or that I can imagine, and I can receive grace and mercy all the days of my life with Him.
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful, You're beautiful"
Friday, September 10, 2010
The weight of it.
So, I'm reading this book, and I got to a part that I had put somethings on my heart and if you don't end up reading this book, why would I not want to share it? Why would I not need to share it? It doesn't need an introduction just read it.
Source from: Joshua Harris, "Boy Meets Girl Say Hello to Courtship" (who took from) Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes, "When God Weeps" 52-54
"The face that Moses had begged to see-was forbidden to see-was slapped bloody (Exodus 33:19-20). The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow...
"On your back with you!" One raises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's hear must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cells? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do "all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17). The victim wills that the soldier live on-he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.
As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm-the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless-the nerves perform exquisitely. "Up you go!" They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.
But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during the day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawls upon his spotless being-the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot.
His Father! He must face his Father like this!
From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.
"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped-murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten-fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled, and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? What a self-righteous, pitiful drunk-you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animal, and worship demons? Does this list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting smugly, playing the pimp-buying politicians, practicing terrorist tactics, founded false religions, traded slaves-relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! "Can you not feel my wrath?"
Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, an the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed.
The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.
"Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!"
But heaven stops its ears. The Son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.
The trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished"
Source from: Joshua Harris, "Boy Meets Girl Say Hello to Courtship" (who took from) Joni Eareckson Tada and Steven Estes, "When God Weeps" 52-54
Thursday, May 27, 2010
where have i even stood but the shore along your ocean?
So today I went to the beach with my family. Oh how I have really missed the beach. And oh how I appreciate it a lot more! How I love Him more!! As I was treading in the water a few thoughts came to mind...
I looked out as far as I could beyond the point of the place I was in the ocean and OH MY GOODNESS God made this this and it was is just a small part of the ocean!! He made all of it, everything it and sustains the whole thing! And while I was sitting there, treading rather, my eyes were lifted to the sky and the beauty of it "picture perfect" clear blue sky and fluffy cotton candy clouds those were not man made, He made them! This whole day! The perfect weather, the beach, the oceans, the people, the animals. He planned every single thing about this day, not just in Corpus but the whole world, the universe!! OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!! What?? How?? I was like a little kid that was in such excitement, awe of the things I was seeing as if it were the first time I had seen them. It amazes me, how much we miss, so much that we take for granted and just act like we deserve it everyday and aren't thankful for these "simple" mercies and grace. Even though we are so selfish and sinful he never fails to remind us who He is...sometimes its a really big slap in the face or a gentle nudge like today, but nonetheless He thinks about us He cares enough for us that He reminds us!
I looked out as far as I could beyond the point of the place I was in the ocean and OH MY GOODNESS God made this this and it was is just a small part of the ocean!! He made all of it, everything it and sustains the whole thing! And while I was sitting there, treading rather, my eyes were lifted to the sky and the beauty of it "picture perfect" clear blue sky and fluffy cotton candy clouds those were not man made, He made them! This whole day! The perfect weather, the beach, the oceans, the people, the animals. He planned every single thing about this day, not just in Corpus but the whole world, the universe!! OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!! What?? How?? I was like a little kid that was in such excitement, awe of the things I was seeing as if it were the first time I had seen them. It amazes me, how much we miss, so much that we take for granted and just act like we deserve it everyday and aren't thankful for these "simple" mercies and grace. Even though we are so selfish and sinful he never fails to remind us who He is...sometimes its a really big slap in the face or a gentle nudge like today, but nonetheless He thinks about us He cares enough for us that He reminds us!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
A "two-in-one" deal
So as ya'll can tell...I haven't done much blogging for a while. I do know that quite a few things have happened since then and now so I'm going to write about most of them in this one blog.
So Orientation: Oh my goodness blew me away!! I didn't really know what to expect but it was really really super fun. The things that we went through that weekend...everything that we did that weekend had a lesson to learn. I loved that I had no clue who 90% of these people were and we had made such a bond with each other! I never would've thought 9 months ago that I would be doing this or have any want to do this but in this weekend alone what God has done in my heart is just sooo amazing and only something that He could do. The whole weekend to meet people chasing after God and showing the love He has for us and each other...on in one weekend alone. *sigh* yeah it was good. Oh. Yeah. Probably on of the highlights...Andrea Eberly "the mom" crying...and Mika "the pro" rolling her eyes at her. really good.
Today I have exactly one week until I take of to Tahoe City. Even though I have a quite detailed schedule/idea (that's four pages long) of what will be going on there I don't have any expectations about what will be going on. I am nonetheless EXCITED for this life changing summer!! What I'll be witnessing to...to see what God will be doing in the city, in the church, every single person's heart...Ahhh!! Yay!!! lol!! Yay! Yay!<---did you just see/hear me do that...it just happened. That's really all I have to say about it for now. When I get there I'll be sharing more,don't worry.
Being home and seeing how that world goes on without you. Well. Duh. I think that I've accepted that. With God humbling my heart and letting me know that I am not the only one in the world but just a small tiny dot, I'm more so excited of for everyone's lives here and what God is doing with them and their hearts. I have seen so much growth in my life and change here as well, putting these two together...it goes together quite fittingly. Why do you think that is? This break has a different feel to it than the ones that I've taken, yes, even the one I took just two months ago. While writing this Psalm 1 came to mind (we read it at orientation) the contrast between those who follow Him and well...those who don't. I think that this season is just a high speed chase after Him, what He wants. Just warring with my sins and trying to get rid of myself and let Him take control of my thoughts, mouth, hands, and feet. And like Psalm 1 in return just being in awe of all of mighty, amazing, glorious things that He has done!! And having a sense of "no care" but just dependence and trust in Him, not panicking about what's to come but to really just come in knowing or expecting nothing and being flexible to His life not mine. God is so good to me and I do not deserve one bit of it!!
So Orientation: Oh my goodness blew me away!! I didn't really know what to expect but it was really really super fun. The things that we went through that weekend...everything that we did that weekend had a lesson to learn. I loved that I had no clue who 90% of these people were and we had made such a bond with each other! I never would've thought 9 months ago that I would be doing this or have any want to do this but in this weekend alone what God has done in my heart is just sooo amazing and only something that He could do. The whole weekend to meet people chasing after God and showing the love He has for us and each other...on in one weekend alone. *sigh* yeah it was good. Oh. Yeah. Probably on of the highlights...Andrea Eberly "the mom" crying...and Mika "the pro" rolling her eyes at her. really good.
Today I have exactly one week until I take of to Tahoe City. Even though I have a quite detailed schedule/idea (that's four pages long) of what will be going on there I don't have any expectations about what will be going on. I am nonetheless EXCITED for this life changing summer!! What I'll be witnessing to...to see what God will be doing in the city, in the church, every single person's heart...Ahhh!! Yay!!! lol!! Yay! Yay!<---did you just see/hear me do that...it just happened. That's really all I have to say about it for now. When I get there I'll be sharing more,don't worry.
Being home and seeing how that world goes on without you. Well. Duh. I think that I've accepted that. With God humbling my heart and letting me know that I am not the only one in the world but just a small tiny dot, I'm more so excited of for everyone's lives here and what God is doing with them and their hearts. I have seen so much growth in my life and change here as well, putting these two together...it goes together quite fittingly. Why do you think that is? This break has a different feel to it than the ones that I've taken, yes, even the one I took just two months ago. While writing this Psalm 1 came to mind (we read it at orientation) the contrast between those who follow Him and well...those who don't. I think that this season is just a high speed chase after Him, what He wants. Just warring with my sins and trying to get rid of myself and let Him take control of my thoughts, mouth, hands, and feet. And like Psalm 1 in return just being in awe of all of mighty, amazing, glorious things that He has done!! And having a sense of "no care" but just dependence and trust in Him, not panicking about what's to come but to really just come in knowing or expecting nothing and being flexible to His life not mine. God is so good to me and I do not deserve one bit of it!!
Monday, May 10, 2010
something Heavenly
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly (2x)
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
This song I feel 100%; especially the chorus. I do not really know how to describe how I've been feeling when I've walked through the doors to church for the past month. Whether it be the sermon choking me up first, the tears just flow during worship and after. I had a much needed breaking down repentant surrendering talk with God last week...not that God doesn't work in your heart ever, I really feel like there's chaos going on in there that I can't control or explain at the moment but only surrender to Him. It seems the closer I get to Him, listen to His words in podcasts, truly worship Him it seems as though somethings don't seem to be in my line of sight. Though sometimes I don't understand what I'm reading or can apply what I've heard at that very moment I have no doubt that He will provide an opportunity for it to be so. I'm excited for what He is doing in my heart but kinda scarred only because I don't know what's going on. BUT that's neither here nor there and it is very much ok for me not to know everything because I'm not supposed to all the time but just trusting in His plans that they are greater than anything I could ever do or plan; that's faith. Oh how that will glorify Him! *sigh* :DD
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly
Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly (2x)
It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
This song I feel 100%; especially the chorus. I do not really know how to describe how I've been feeling when I've walked through the doors to church for the past month. Whether it be the sermon choking me up first, the tears just flow during worship and after. I had a much needed breaking down repentant surrendering talk with God last week...not that God doesn't work in your heart ever, I really feel like there's chaos going on in there that I can't control or explain at the moment but only surrender to Him. It seems the closer I get to Him, listen to His words in podcasts, truly worship Him it seems as though somethings don't seem to be in my line of sight. Though sometimes I don't understand what I'm reading or can apply what I've heard at that very moment I have no doubt that He will provide an opportunity for it to be so. I'm excited for what He is doing in my heart but kinda scarred only because I don't know what's going on. BUT that's neither here nor there and it is very much ok for me not to know everything because I'm not supposed to all the time but just trusting in His plans that they are greater than anything I could ever do or plan; that's faith. Oh how that will glorify Him! *sigh* :DD
Saturday, May 8, 2010
from the Inside looking Out
Then:
"For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear"-Eli Young Band (Guinevere)
So this school year, my first year of college is coming to end. I survived solely by the abundant grace and mercy of Christ. I have been thinking quite a lot about this year...all the way back to August; and wow! All of the things that Christ has done in my life. I cannot image how it would've been if, He hadn't told me last summer that it was time for us start moving and stop being stagnate on this walk...and I don't think I would've imagined anything near where I am now. I am so glad that our thoughts are not His, our plans are not His, but He is much greater than us in all aspects. We would be...well that would suck if that weren't true and well then we wouldn't need a God, right?
(Ok. Ok. Focusing.) This may sound cliche but it was this year that I started to seek Him and who He wanted me to be, and also put some things into motion that I had already began realize I needed to do (but didn't want to). I think about the wonderful people and...not so people I have encountered this year. Every single one of them has or had a purpose in my life and I would like to think (hope) I have or had one in their. The effects of coming in contact with these people helped me grow in perspectives of different people, and how people should be treated and also helped my somewhat distorted view of love and tolerance.
I say the wonderful and the not so wonderful because giving up your life everyday does not mean sunshine and rainbows, but rather I believe something more, something real, something hard. As you know I got a tattoo on my foot with the verse "Mark 8:34-35" but with that permanently on my body, with my bible within reach, and with that hidden on my heart it is still so so sooo hard to live by. The thought of dying to ourselves and making war with our sins every. single. day. that does not scream sunshine and rainbows to me. Well anyway back to "wonder and not so..." well, for the fact that every one of those people have in turn helped me get closer to and maturing me to me more Christlike. And the wonderful...I don't really think I need to explain why. Yeah.
How God had planned every single detail to this year before I even knew right down to the words that I would say and the words I would hear others say is beyond unfathomable! It sometimes gets hard to actually see what's going on with our lives so we have people who love us and keep us accountable or encourage us and let us know and its then we are reminded that we should pause and stop looking from the inside out and like like them on the outside looking inside at us. I had to take a step outside to look from their prospective and well...stop being selfish and get rid of the chaos to see ALL the beauty that God has done within my heart.
The song 'Guinevere' from the Eli Young Band kinda like 98% describe who I was then...(check it out). And the Philippians verse is kinda 100% of who I am and who I want to keep being now.
Now:
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus-Philippians 3:12-14
"Goals"(no particular order):
Turn up the outgoing level for ministering
Serving others a lot more (physically and verbally)
Be more involved in church family
Keep making war with my sins
Fall deeper in love with God
Dissolving bitterness/selfishness because of my gift of singleness
...Go to the library more
"For as much as she stumbled she's runnin'
For as much as she runs she's still here
Always hoping to find something quicker than heaven
To make the damage of her days disappear"-Eli Young Band (Guinevere)
So this school year, my first year of college is coming to end. I survived solely by the abundant grace and mercy of Christ. I have been thinking quite a lot about this year...all the way back to August; and wow! All of the things that Christ has done in my life. I cannot image how it would've been if, He hadn't told me last summer that it was time for us start moving and stop being stagnate on this walk...and I don't think I would've imagined anything near where I am now. I am so glad that our thoughts are not His, our plans are not His, but He is much greater than us in all aspects. We would be...well that would suck if that weren't true and well then we wouldn't need a God, right?
(Ok. Ok. Focusing.) This may sound cliche but it was this year that I started to seek Him and who He wanted me to be, and also put some things into motion that I had already began realize I needed to do (but didn't want to). I think about the wonderful people and...not so people I have encountered this year. Every single one of them has or had a purpose in my life and I would like to think (hope) I have or had one in their. The effects of coming in contact with these people helped me grow in perspectives of different people, and how people should be treated and also helped my somewhat distorted view of love and tolerance.
I say the wonderful and the not so wonderful because giving up your life everyday does not mean sunshine and rainbows, but rather I believe something more, something real, something hard. As you know I got a tattoo on my foot with the verse "Mark 8:34-35" but with that permanently on my body, with my bible within reach, and with that hidden on my heart it is still so so sooo hard to live by. The thought of dying to ourselves and making war with our sins every. single. day. that does not scream sunshine and rainbows to me. Well anyway back to "wonder and not so..." well, for the fact that every one of those people have in turn helped me get closer to and maturing me to me more Christlike. And the wonderful...I don't really think I need to explain why. Yeah.
How God had planned every single detail to this year before I even knew right down to the words that I would say and the words I would hear others say is beyond unfathomable! It sometimes gets hard to actually see what's going on with our lives so we have people who love us and keep us accountable or encourage us and let us know and its then we are reminded that we should pause and stop looking from the inside out and like like them on the outside looking inside at us. I had to take a step outside to look from their prospective and well...stop being selfish and get rid of the chaos to see ALL the beauty that God has done within my heart.
The song 'Guinevere' from the Eli Young Band kinda like 98% describe who I was then...(check it out). And the Philippians verse is kinda 100% of who I am and who I want to keep being now.
Now:
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus-Philippians 3:12-14
"Goals"(no particular order):
Turn up the outgoing level for ministering
Serving others a lot more (physically and verbally)
Be more involved in church family
Keep making war with my sins
Fall deeper in love with God
Dissolving bitterness/selfishness because of my gift of singleness
...Go to the library more
Friday, May 7, 2010
Mission Ellen
So our PA Ellen is graduating this year and we decided to throw her a surprise party. We had so much fun and it was nice needed bonding time! The whole floor did not come (for various reasons) but she still enjoyed it. "Thank you to the BSM for helping us make this possible"-the 19th floor. Here are some pictures...
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